The woman’s vagina is a complicated place, full of nerve endings, erogenous zones, and pleasure points. Even for us ladies, it can be tough to figure out what exactly gets you off. Fortunately, science can also shed some light on what it takes to achieve glorious orgasm—and we’ll take all the help we can get.
The impressions we get about sex are by and large through our culture. We’re bombarded with the subject through TV, ads, and, of course, porn. Porn in particular has the potential to show people what pleasurable sex looks like, but most of the time it’s focused on the man’s orgasm—not the woman’s, according to a 2017 study by human sexuality researcher and Ph.D candidate Léa J. Séguin. (Not that we needed a study to tell us that, am I right?)
So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that other research supports the fact that women don’t orgasm as often as men in general during sex. For instance, a 2015 study by Professor Osmo Kontula from the Population Research Institute at the Family Federation of Finland found that in a pool of 8,000 Finnish women, only 6 percent reported always having an orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse. 40 percent reported having an orgasm nearly always; 16 percent had an orgasm half the time; and 38 percent had one infrequently. A total of 14 percent of women under 35 had never had an orgasm from intercourse. Damn.
It may come as no surprise that the female orgasm is still being researched, because from about 3,000 BC up until 1952, doctors thought it was a way to solely treat hysteria and after that people thought women could only come from penile penetration. C’mon. Don’t worry, 2017 is the year we start to understand how to achieve the female orgasm every time—or at the very least more often than before— thanks to our good friend, science. Here’s what you need to know:
MORE: 6 Tips for Watching Porn as a Couple
It’s All In Your Mind
Sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts about your performance or not having “erotic thoughts” during sex can majorly affect your orgasm outcome a study of 926 women reveals. Yet, thinking positively and using your mind to fantasize has a great effect on your chances to come. After looking at MRI’s of the brain when a woman visualizes dildo stimulation, Dr. Nan J. Wise says areas of the brain lit up that were “previously shown to be active in the process of genital stimulation leading up to and including orgasm.”
Obviously, the brain has pretty strong powers when it comes to visualizing, so use it, and some other things, to help you get to peak O next time you’re under the sheets.
MORE: A Comprehensive Guide to Every Type of Orgasm
Using the Clitoris For Max Pleasure
There’s been tons of memes, joking and all-around confusion about the clitoris, but it’s pretty damn important. In Professor Debby Herbenick’s study in 2017, 36.6 percent of women needed clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm during intercourse. So, it’s not needed 100 percent of the time to get you there, but it does enhance the orgasm experience according to 36 percent of the women surveyed.
Next time you’re in bed, or loving yourself, try the motions Herbenick said women preferred the most: up and down, circular shape, and side to side. It’s all about perfecting what you like, so if you need time to figure that out go for it—it’ll make everything a whole lot more exciting.
Knowing What Turns You On
This leads us to, knowing what you want and like. Herbenick polled 1,046 females and 975 males from across the U.S. with a list of sexual behaviors and asked if they found them “very appealing,” “somewhat appealing,” “not appealing,” or “not at all appealing.” The results are women found no category not appealing. But there are 10 behaviors that women found very appealing and you should take note:
- Vaginal intercourse: 69.9 percent
- Cuddling more often: 62.8 percent
- Kissing more often during sex: 49.3 percent
- Saying sweet, romantic things during sex: 46.6 percent
- Giving or receiving a massage before sex: 45.9 percent
- Having gentle sex: 45.4 percent
- Receiving oral sex: 43.3 percent
- Watching a romantic movie: 41.9 percent
- Making the room feel more romantic: 41.3 percent
- Wearing sexy underwear or lingerie: 41.2 percent
As much as women were open to anything, their idea of what was “very appealing” differed from men’s in certain categories. Which means the last and final key advice is…
Let’s Talk About It
You have to be open about what you like and you have to be willing to listen to what your partner says. As shown in a study couples that talk about sexual preference, desire and passion, tend to orgasm more and don’t experience low sex drives. If it makes you uncomfortable try writing it down, texting it or even take a shot before blurting it out. Whatever your methods, it’s something that definitely helps and can not only please you, but assure your partner is having the most mind-boggling experience, too.
MORE: 6 Steps for Overcoming Anxiety About Oral Sex
From all these studies it’s imperative to remember Professor Osmo Kontula’s point “that women differ greatly from one another in terms of their tendency and capacity to experience orgasms.” Which we kindly say: thanks, science, for confirming what women have been saying for a very, very long time. But next time you’re thinking your orgasm could get a little better, or experience one for the first time, these methods are science proof and we’re taking them to the bank (until the next study comes out in 20 years…)
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